pageants and preggo bellies

Vergil and I attended the first annual TYN Christmas pageant tonight. It was good times. Michele's son Joey was particularly hilarious as a Eeyore/slow yokel-speaking shepherd. Actually, I'm not quite sure what to call how he was speaking, but it was pretty dang funny. As was their 'Captain Obvious' sketch called Night Falls, which was a re-telling of the Christmas story using props. For example, when the narrator said that "night falls", someone came out holding a sign that said "Night" taped to a basketball and let it fall. And so forth and so on. Very hilarious.

Also, I had Verge take some new pictures of my belly today. Becky keeps telling me I don't look pregnant from the back, so here's a picture of me from behind first. I'm not so sure - I've got some bra-induced back rolls going on that make me think I look wider than normal, but I suppose since I never actually look at my back, I really wouldn't know.


And now, boom! Just like that, I'm 32 weeks pregnant:


Good times. My belly button will probably pop in another few weeks. The 'baby's ready timer' as I like to call it. I'll for sure post a picture of that when it happens...

13 things I'm thankful for

Look at me trying another Thursday 13! I'm impressing myself.

Things/People I'm thankful for this Christmas season (in no particular order):

1. My brother-in-law who bought us the sweetest stroller/car seat ever.

2. My grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins who patiently schedule around Vergil's crazy Christmas work hours.

3. My uncle who is going to cook nasi goreng for us for Christmas.

4. My church community.

5. Getting to see my parents and sisters for four days after Christmas.

6. Having a totally normal pregnancy.

7. That all four of my grandparents are still alive.

8. My in-laws. ("Be careful! Call us if you need anything! What do you need from Costco? Can we take your car in to get serviced?" ...and so on and so on...)

9. Knowing a God who loves me enough to humiliate himself not just by dying on a cross, but entering the world as a helpless, messy, dependent baby.

10. Friends who endure our constant business and still want to hang out with us.

11. A car that doesn't freeze up in the winter.

12. An apartment with perks like a fireplace, dishwasher and garberator.

13. My husband, who can make me laugh even in my foulest moods.

I think that's a pretty good list.

d'oh!

Sorry, Eric! I was so excited about you getting and taking the job I didn't think about the fact that most of your family reads my blog... Oops. Sorry for ruining your surprise! :)

i love it when i'm right

So, four months ago when we first made our baby announcement to the world, I started thinking about my maternity leave from work. I bent my brain to the problem of who might be a good replacement for me and the first person that came to mind was Eric, a friend from church and someone who's already been working for our department for the last year as our intrepid News Release writer (among other things).

Anyway, I gave his name to my bosses and encouraged him to apply (which he did) and then I sat and I waited. I started hearing about other applicants for my job with different skill sets that seemed to intrigue my higher-ups and I started to worry a little. I knew in my gut Eric was the right person for the job, but it seemed like maybe I was the only one who was convinced.

Yesterday they interviewed the two top candidates for my position (Eric included) and today, Eric was offered and accepted the job. I'm a happy girl. And I love being right. I'd just like to toot my own horn a little and say that I've now been involved in hiring two people for jobs at my work and my intuition was dead on both times.

Yup. I'm just that good. I'm confidently waddling around the room right now, just so you know. I'd swagger, but that's a little hard to do in my condition.

I'm really not that arrogant, I promise. Not all the time, anyway.

On another note, I'm happy to report that my 'to-do' list is getting smaller by the day. Many thanks to Linda for the encouragement to say no to things. Unfortunately (or fortunately, I'm not sure which), my 'to-do' list has very little to do with other people - it's all stuff for myself that I've decided I need to get done and I have to say that as a boss, I'm a bit of a jerk and a task-master, especially when I'm the only employee. I am slowly learning it's okay to do things in pieces instead of all at once like I used to be inclined to do, so that's been good.

I do find myself in a state of denial some days that there is anything different about me than there used to be. Last night was probably a good example. We needed to do laundry and I really wanted to start some of my Christmas baking. So I decided to tackle both - an easy multi-tasking venture on any other day. Unfortunately, carrying around a child all day is not as easy as it looks. I get tired a lot faster and standing too long makes my back ache to the point that I start walking like Quasimodo. So yeah, I probably pushed it a little too hard yesterday in my enthusiasm to get things done.

Anyway, I do plan to do a little more baking tonight, but I promise I'll pay more attention to my fatigue levels and maybe I'll even try to do most of the prep sitting down instead of standing. That might help a lot, actually.

Okay, one more story before I wrap this blog up - I've been baking ginger snap cookies and one of the ingredients is dark molasses, so the batter is a really rich brown colour. I sent myself into a fit of hysterics last night over how much the stupid batter looked like excrement. I could not stop laughing. Poor Vergil was actually getting a little frightened. I know a lot of women find themselves crying uncontrollably while they're pregnant. For me it's hysterical, maniacal, uncontrollable laughter. Which isn't a bad thing, just kind of weird.

Oh and fortunately, the baked cookies look a lot better than the batter does.

unproductive

Definitely how I'm feeling these days. I feel like my 'to do' list keeps getting longer and longer and my energy to accomplish anything on it diminishes by the second. *Sigh* I can't decide if being pregnant is solely to blame or if it's the fact that we're down to about 8 hours of sunlight a day. Probably a combination of both.

I really do love watching the sun rise on my way to work every morning, but watching it set on the way home is kind of deflating. At least I have a window in my office. Poor Vergil is trapped in a mall of all places for 8 hours a day. I don't think he'd actually seen the sun for about three days before yesterday. I've never worked nights before, but I imagine if I did I would feel something like this - a little disoriented, highly lethargic and a tad bit stir crazy. Feels like just yesterday I was complaining about the heat around here.

On the bright side, we're slowly, slowly picking away at getting the apartment ready for baby banana. I've done some purging of my stuff that was in our spare-room-soon-to-be-nursery, we gave our futon to my uncle, Vergil's gone through his massive clothing collection and purged some of that, so now I think we have a closet and a bookshelf left to deal with. After Christmas, we'll hopefully be able to get the crib and set that up and then I think it'll just be cosmetic things. We're in an apartment so there won't be any painting, but I would like to put up some colourful blocks of colour here and there. We don't really have a 'theme' per se, we're more about big, bright, solid colours. Fun and childish without being too 'cutesy'.

However, our apartment still lacks Christmassy-ness. Verge spent so much time on his store last week that I felt really bad making him work again on his day off last Sunday, so I decided to let him off the hook. I think we'll try to tackle the tree and trimmings this Sunday instead. I'd been half hoping to get that started some evening this week, but my energy levels have been pretty low every night after work (or after whatever it is we had planned that night) to the point that it's hard to even convince myself to get up and make food.

Changing the subject completely, as my dad is wont to say, I get to lead a session for the leaders at my church tomorrow morning. I'm pretty excited about it, actually, which is kind of a relief. I've gone through such a long period of 'ministry exhaustion' that it's really nice to feel like I'm finally starting to get over that huge hump. It's a subject I'm already really familiar with, so coming up with the material was less of a challenge than if I had to do something completely from scratch. That helped a lot. It also helped that I'm pretty passionate about what I'm presenting, so it hasn't required begging God for the energy and motivation to do what I need to do. Though, I will need some help feeling awake at 8:00 on a Saturday morning! I thought I'd got away from pastors who were morning people, but I guess not! The first pastor I worked for LOVED having leadership meetings at 7:00am on Saturdays. I don't generally start to feel like myself till about 9 or 10:00am, so that's at least two hours too early for me. It was his best time of day, though. He'd come in chattering like a squirrel on too much caffine and I'd just sit there, glaring at him over my massive mug of coffee that hadn't quite kicked in yet, wondering if I could lift my arm high enough to whack him with something. Good thing he's such a great guy or I might never have forgiven him for those meetings.

But now this post is getting awfully long and I'm sure I've started to bore you. Thanks for sticking with me this far!

random 13 for a thursday

I've never done a 'Thursday Thirteen' before and I may never do one again, but I thought I'd give it a whirl today - just for giggles.

Apart from having many pregnancy-related items, I don't think I'll have much of a theme here. But let's write it and see, shall we?

1. Charlie horses that you can't work out on your own first thing in the morning SUCK. So far I've had two in the last two weeks. The first one I had I freaked out so bad Vergil thought I was going into labour. Thank goodness he did so well at keeping his cool and working his rudimentary physiotherapy knowledge!

2. Vergil's new store needs to be done now. It seems like it's something different every single year with his work and always right around Christmas. Last year he had to manage two stores, this year he has to move from one location in the mall to another. Brutal. It prevents him from sleeping and he doesn't eat well and that makes me unhappy and worried about him. Hopefully it'll all get done before the weekend...

3. Baby banana doesn't think I'm big enough yet. He has now taken it upon himself to stretch out my stomach by pushing his bum as far out as he can get it. I try to push him back, but this kid's on a mission. I know he's squished in there and everything, but seriously! Is it really necessary to moon everyone already?

4. I'm ready to be done work - today and for my maternity leave!

5. I'm sad that I can't curl at our annual staff Christmas party this year. We've done our party at the Otterburne curling rink for three years in a row now. There's lunch and people bring board games and you can sign up to be on a curling team. I'd never curled before I started working here, but I really enjoyed it - it's definitely a unique bonding experience for staff!

6. Am I really not even halfway through this list yet? Oh brother. This isn't as easy as it looks! Kudos to my blogging friends who do this every week!

7. I hope we can set up our Christmas tree and decorate our apartment this weekend.

8. I wish my nose would stop bleeding. Not the pouring out kind of bleeding, just the icky, dry-nose clotting kind of bleeding.

9. Christmas oranges are like candy and I would eat a box everyday if I could.

10. I just choked on a Christmas orange. Maybe I won't eat a box everyday if they're going to try to kill me like this.

11. Winter happened really suddenly around here. One day it was pushing temperatures close to +10, the next day it snowed and the day after that it rocketed down to -30 with the windchill. It doesn't seem to matter that I was born and raised in Manitoba; winter always seems to sneak up on me every single year.

12. The cold weather has caused me to start drinking hot tea like it's going out of style. I think in the new year, before the baby's born, I might just decide to host (or convince someone else to host) a genuine, English tea party. Or maybe a Dutch-Canadian version of the tea party. If there are any English bloggers out there who would like to explain the finer nuances of the tea party, I'd love to hear them!

13. I made it! Phew! Good thing I like to talk and can talk about anything, no matter how insignificant. Congrats if you made it this far. Sorry for being weird and boring. Here's a picture of my contortionist son as your reward:

m.i.a.

That's kinda how I've been feeling lately, especially with my church community. Verge and I have been suffering people and event exhaustion/oversaturation over the last number of months, and unfortunately, one of the things that's suffered as a result is our church attendance. Don't get me wrong, we love our church - the people, the services, everything - it's just that when you get to Sunday morning and it's the only day off Vergil and I have together and we've spent the whole week in the presence of various different people, it gets a little hard to get ourselves out of bed and into the presence of still more people.

As you can probably guess, both Vergil and I are introverts at heart. If you don't know us very well and have only ever met us in a social setting, you might not think that of us, but at the end of the day, we give energy away in social settings and don't really glean any for ourselves. We need to be away from people to recharge.

It's funny, I had a monstrously busy October and I distinctly remember saying to myself, I'm swearing off people for the month of November. Yeah, that didn't happen so much. And trying to not be social in December is next to impossible since everybody (including me) likes to 'catch up' during the holidays.

I don't know. I'm trying out this new mind-set of not owing people. Basically, I've spent a good portion of my life living like I owe everybody myself, my talents and my abilities. I have been given this that and the other thing, and therefore, I owe it to other people to use those things to help them. It occurred to me a few months ago that at the end of the day, that's a pretty big lie. As far as I am aware, I have made exactly two commitments in my life that I am expected to keep until the day I die - one to God and one to my husband. If I 'owe' anything to anyone, those would be the two parties who would qualify. (I'm including my child in the latter commitment, because part of my wedding vows included providing a safe, loving home for any children Verge and I might have. So I guess that makes three parties.) That's not to say I can then ignore the "second greatest commandment - to love my neighbour as myself", but if I'm doing things for people strictly out of a sense of obligation rather than love, then it's the wrong motivation. And if I'm doing things for others with a mind or a body that are in any way unhealthy, unbalanced or unboundaried, then I'm still getting it wrong and could potentially be doing serious damage to my two life-long commitments.

I'm not sure if that makes any sense. I'm still working out the repercussions of this myself and I know I'm not getting it right nine times out of ten, but I still feel...liberated somehow. It's done a lot to help calm down my 'guilt microwave' - my tendency to instantly feel guilty over things that I don't necessarily need to feel guilty over.

Anyway, my apologies to any of our friends who have felt neglected by us. We are and we're not intentionally avoiding you. We will try and see you before Christmas if we can - if not, our January is looking pretty open so far...

3 to 4...YEARS!

Okay, so first a 'small world' mention. Last night in our prenatal class I met Alisha who happens to be related to half the people in my church and confessed to being a 'lurker' on my blog. Hi Alisha! You can comment away now because we know each other! :D Good times. Small world. It's a good thing Vergil has a unique name or she might never have put two and two together. Thank goodness for nametags!

Anyway, on to the heart of the matter. But first a warning - if you're at all squeamish and don't like discussions of anything even remotely medical, turn back now!

We had an information-packed prenatal class last night that included an overview of what to expect in the first stage of labour (early labour and transition), what felt like a fairly detailed and at the same time brief explanation of the second stage of labour (pushing and birth), a brief mention of the third stage of labour (delivery of the placenta), an overview of C-sections and why they might be needed and finally, some of the common unprettiness of newborns that we can expect. Oh, and a really fast diapering demonstration (I hope you've got Frank practicing already, Alisha!).

Here was what set Vergil off for the entire evening - as we were looking at all of the common appearances of newborns, including molding (cone-headedness), lanugo (soft, downy hair all over the body), vernix (a 'cheese-like' gooey substance covering the body (it protects baby's skin from being submerged in liquid for so long)), crossed-eyes (babies can't focus right away, so they cross their eyes with the effort), stork bites (red spots on the face or neck), puffy face, enlarged genitals, blue hands and feet - we came across this little beauty: Mongolian spots. Basically they're giant birthmarks that look like a big bruise on baby's bottom. Here's a picture so you know what I'm talking about:

So anyway, the nurse is explaining that these spots are usually more common in mixed-race babies, like if the one partner is Caucasian and the other is Chinese or Filipino. Immediately Verge and I perk up, of course. Then she goes on to explain how long most of these things last - anywhere from a day to a week or two. But when she gets to the Mongolian spots, she says, "This will usually last no more than three to four...years."

Vergil's indignation was palpable, of course. "WHAT?" he says to me. "Three to four YEARS?! That doesn't seem fair! I mean, how come cone-head and cross-eyes get a free pass, but black bum's gotta suffer for three to four years??"

Oh how I laughed. And laughed. And laughed. If you know Vergil at all, you'll know what's he's like when he's on this kind of rampage. You'd know that this kind of material would be too good for him to pass up. He was going on about how our child wouldn't be allowed to run around naked until he was five because of his black bum and how the first thing he was gonna do after the baby is born is examine its butt.

So yeah. If after our child is born you start hearing us refer to him as 'black bum', you'll know why.

Oh baby black bum.

No, wait - he'll just be a slightly bruised banana!

Oh, that's just a bad joke. I better quit while I'm ahead...

you can't tell from the picture

But apparently I am 'glowing' being all pregnant and such. I hate pictures of myself as a general rule and I come from a family that's probably a little too conscious of body size and image, so these preggers pictures can actually be a little difficult for me to post. But I'll suck it up and I'll do it because however badly I tend to think I look, fortunately, no one else sees me through my own critical eyes.

So this is me, circa 27 weeks:

Here are the links to my 20 week belly and my 15 week belly in case you're interested in comparing.

Actually, I've discovered that I'm not really that concerned about the whole weight-gain thing. I don't obsess over whether or not I'm 'fat'. I understand that this is all part of the process. What I'm really afraid of is swelling. Every time I find that my wedding ring is a little tight or my legs a little sore, I almost always start having little freak-outs in my mind - "Oh no! I'm starting to swell! I'm going to turn into the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man! Is my face poufy? Do I still have ankles? Must...drink...more...water!!" It's either that or if I'm really having a manic day it'll be, "I'm getting gestational diabetes! Hypertension! Preeclampsia! Danger! Danger!"

Fortunately I'm getting pretty good at lasooing and hog-tieing those thoughts before I get too carried away. When you come from a family that has a touch of OCD, you have to train yourself pretty well to do what you can to avoid slipping over that edge.

Okay, that's enough confessing of my foibles for today. Here are some fun pregnancy facts related to weight gain and why women don't just gain 7-10 lb. of baby:

• Extra body supplies for pregnancy and breastfeeding: 5-8 lb.


• Blood: 4 lb. (this is the one that surprised me the most!)


• Retention Fluid: varies (this does not help my fear of swelling! LOL)


• Breasts: 3 lb. (heaven for some women, not so much for others.)


• Placenta: 1 lb.


• Baby: 7.5 lb. (not the babies I know! Most of them are closer to 9-11 lb.!)


• Uterus: 2.5 lb.


• Amniotic fluid: 2 lb.

All that for an average of 30 lb. in weight gain, though I would wager that that's on the low side.

And there you have it. More than you maybe ever wanted to know about me and about weight gain in pregnancy.

power of the panel

Panel pants, that is. I'd been warned repeatedly by friends and strangers that at some point during pregnancy, pants that only pull up to your hips become just about impossible to wear. It's funny how that seems to be one of those things that I only half-believed - like when everyone was telling me how I'd eventually stop puking and start to feel better. At the time, I honestly didn't really believe them. But now I'm not puking and feeling better. That'll show me, I guess.

Anyway, this week it happened. I don't know if this kid did some serious growing over the weekend or what, but trying to sit all day at work with my 'Now and After' stretchy-waist pants digging violently into my abdomen was not a pleasant experience. Unfortunately, I only had two pairs of panel pants in my wardrobe at the time - one my lovely aunt bought for me recently and the other that my cousin graciously donated to me but which she primarily wore near the end of her pregnancy when she was carrying around a 9lbs baby and additional fluids and such, so they're a little on the big side.

So I says to Vergil, I says, "I need more pants, yo!" And he says to me, he says, "Bada-bing-bada-boom, let's do this thing."

I don't know when we turned into native New Yorkers, but you get the drift.

Admitedly, I do find it rather funny that all I want now are pants that pull up to my armpits, when, before pregnancy, you'd be hard pressed to find me wearing any pant that threatened to get too close to my belly button.

I had spent some time hunting for the best prices on websites and thought I'd give Old Navy a shot. No good. The only maternity pants they had were stretchy-waist low-riders - just the kind I was trying to get away from. I knew Thyme Maternity was a little on the pricey side, so I thought we'd give Motherhood Maternity a shot. Sure enough, they had lots of pants with all kinds of waists and they were all about $30. Pretty dang good for pants, and that's saying something for me who hasn't actually spent full price on clothing for the last four years because her husband works in retail and gets sweet discounts.

We bought three pairs of these comfy panel pants - black, grey and jeans and had enough left over to get two huge rope-handled storage buckets at ToysRUs for the baby's room. They were only $5.97 each! Another great deal, considering the last time I saw them, they were at least $14.99 a piece.

I love storage stuff.

I'm such a geek.

Also, I will BE SURE to get Verge to take an updated picture of the belly tonight. I've been meaning to do that for a few weeks already and I keep forgetting. Today I will try to remember and then I'll also try to remember to post it... So much remembering.

i dream in simpsons

Look at that. Two posts in two days. Must be a record for me or something.

Let me explain my title. I haven't really had any 'baby' dreams up till now. Mostly when I've dreamt, it's been weird combinations of movies I've watched and books I've read. For example, I may have mentioned my odd dream combining Harry Potter, Brideshead Revisited and Amadeus. The only consistent thing was that everyone spoke in British accents.

Last night I had my first official 'baby dream'. First of all, I dreamt that Vergil was actually going to go through the labour instead of me and while part of me was relieved, the other part of me thought I would be better suited for it. Then the dream kind of morphed into a few weeks after the baby had been born and I was attempting breastfeeding for what seemed like the first time. It seemed strange that I hadn't done it earlier and I didn't know what the baby had been eating up till then. Anyway, it didn't seem to be working right and someone was yelling at me that I was doing it wrong.

From there, the dream morphed again and my infant, who was still an infant, could suddenly walk and talk. He was rude and sarcastic and mocked people and I remember being quite upset about that. Only thing was, I was now associating this child with Bart Simpson and felt that it was Homer's fault my baby was so ascerbic. Homer and I (or was it Marge? It was getting hard to tell by that point) had a big fight through a wall I busted open with my (her?) fist. I think there was some blue hair involved, so this might have been the 'watching it happen' part that often occurs in my dreams.

The only other thing I remember was my baby's hair. It was the same colour and texture of one of the kids in the youth group at my church. Very strange. I'm pretty sure my actual child will have dark hair like Vergil, but in my dream, it was more like my colour only thicker and curlier.

Yeah. Very strange. Anyone feel like 'Freudalzying' my dream? You're very welcome to try!

time for a change

I grew tired of my old blog template, so I've decided to update it. I liked the colour of the fishies and the "be your own fish" idea. Doesn't really have anything to do with anything, but hey, it's new and fun and that's all I really care about.

Not much to say so far this week, so I won't say much at all. If I think of something clever to post later on, I'll definitely do that for your reading amusement.

Oh, and don't worry, Linda. I promise to be careful of what I give my child to play with and will always supervise him. I do acknowledge that he is not, in fact, a cat and can't be left to entertain himself with a ball of tin foil for hours on end. I also promise to use diapers instead of trying to train him to use a litter box. :D

conflicted

I haven't blogged in a while because I feel a little conflicted. There's been a lot of sad news going around in my circles and it feels kind of weird to be on the opposite end of that with happy stuff. Is it rude or inconsiderate to talk publicly about my good news? I don't want to negate anyone's pain or sorrow by lurching into my own excitement all over the inter-web.

I know blogging is a self-involved thing. It's supposed to be about me and not about other people. Only trouble is, I still want to have some manners and some sympathy for people who might read my blog who might not want to hear about my happy news. I know they could just choose not to read what I have to say, but I know for myself, I have on more than one occassion, taken personally people's seeming inconsiderateness on-line.

Anyway, maybe I'm needlessly obsessing, but I just want to make it clear to my readers that I have heard many of your struggles and do take them seriously and in no way want to brush them off as 'it didn't happen to me so it doesn't matter.' It does matter. I can't imagine losing a loved one and the renewed pain of a friend miscarrying is very personal to me. Please know I'm praying for all of you.

Okay. I still feel a little weird about launching into my own happiness from here, but I'll do it anyway, because sometimes happiness can be contagious and I hope in this case it will be.

We went for our second ultrasound last weekend to find out baby banana's gender. Let's just say from now on, you can refer to my child as 'Mr. dela Rosa'. That's right, just like my dad and Vergil wanted, we're having a little boy. We're all pretty excited. Here's a cute picture of him already thinking very hard about his future (or maybe thinking about how handsome he is or wondering why his parents are such nut-cases)...

I also got a new book called Entertaining and Educating Babies and Toddlers and, upon reading it, made an unusual, unexpected discovery. Entertaining a newborn sure does seem a heck of a lot like entertaining a cat. For example,

"Before they can hold things, babies enjoy swiping. Try attaching some foil and a sock stuffed with tissue paper to elastic and adding them [to a length of string or elastic stretched tightly across the baby's cot and fastened securely to the bars at either side] so that they are within arm's reach. At first he will hit the objects by chance but, as he notices them moving, he will gradually realize that there is a connection between what he is seeing and what his hands are doing and he will start to reach out deliberately."

Okay, so the cognitive skills being developed aren't quite like a cat, but seriously - foil and socks filled with tissue paper? Good idea, but that's what I used to make for the cats I lived with! Very funny.

It is a good book, though, because it's filled with ideas for entertaining and educating that cost little or no money. So nuts to you, Leap-Frog and Fisher Price! I'm making bell-filled airflow golf balls and foil pie plate faces and tissue-filled socks for my baby! ...or maybe not. We'll see how much energy I actually have to be that creative!

And that's news from our world this week. Feeling much better - I've gone almost an entire month without losing my lunch. Keep your fingers crossed for me that that continues! Banana's moving around like crazy and seems to be growing really well. Only 16 more weeks till we get to meet him!

please pray/remember

I found out last night that a friend of mine from church just experienced a miscarriage. My heart is breaking for her and her husband and son. It sucks that going through a miscarriage doesn't make me any better equipped to help them in any way. But if you, my virtual friends, could remember her and her family in your thoughts and/or prayers, I'm sure it would be sincerely appreciated.

giddy

We just got home from our very first ultrasound. SO COOL! Baby banana - live via CC TV. No Technicolor, but hey, pretty amazing all the same. Needless to say, I'm in a pretty good mood. Oh, and for those of you who for whatever reason wanted me to have twins, I'm sorry to disappoint. There was only one kid in there.

And from what I could tell, all the important parts were there - eyes, nose, mouth, heart (beating good and strong), kidneys, spine, arms, legs, hands and feet. Vergil's almost got himself convinced he saw some male genitalia, but there was really no way to tell. We are going to go for a second, private ultrasound to determine that piece of the puzzle (providing banana cooperates and is a bit of an exhibitionist), but that's not for another couple of weeks yet.

Anyway, just wanted to give this fun update. Thanks again to everyone who's had us in their thoughts and prayers. This was kind of an 'answered prayer' day for us. I mean, we knew it was in there, but it was just really amazing to be able to get that visual proof.

What else is new? Started prenatal yoga (with Sandy, a girl from my church who's due the month after me) and it was okay, but I've done yoga before and found this instructor to be a little on the disorganized side. Didn't help that she decided to bring her infant son with her (there was a girl there who was supposed to look after the kid, but the instructor basically had him on her hip for most of the class). Anyway, I decided to supplement this class with a prenatal pilates video I found. It's pretty good and I think I'll try to have a regular routine with that to build up my 'core' strength.

Okay, I really should try to get some work done today!

just call me the up-chucker

Yep, that's right. It ain't over yet. With my mother's permission, I am blaming her for this trimester's woes. I'm getting these wicked migraines that seem to ignite the puke-fests and then the puking contributes to the migraines so that I just can't win. I'm so sorry if you're getting sick of hearing about all the time I'm hanging over the toilet puking my guts out, but it's really the most exciting thing that's happening with this pregnancy.

Well, that's not entirely true. I'm starting to feel kicks, which is pretty dang neat. Makes the puking worth it, I'll tell you that much. I spent the first 13 weeks of this pregnancy praying for 'proof of life' and now I get it daily. So, all things considered, even if I'm physically a wreck, emotionally I'm pretty up there. The 'baby blues' I suffered through at the beginning have ebbed away and have been replaced by a definite sense of expectancy and excitement.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, here's an 'almost 20 week' picture of the 'bulge'. It seems a lot smaller today, actually, but that's probably because I worked my abs so hard yesterday and couldn't eat. Bleh. I get to wear fun preggo clothes now, too. Good times!

10 good days

In a row, if you can believe it! But I'm back to puking every other day this week, so so much for that little run of feeling well.

But that's okay, because I'm starting to feel this baby move! It's really cool, actually. Feels like someone's flicking my insides. S/he's most active in the morning, it seems, right when I get to work. If that means s/he's gonna be a morning person, I don't know what I'm gonna do! Oh, and I haven't further tested my vinegar theory, but that's mostly because I don't eat vinegar on a regular basis.

I realize that I forgot to follow up on having to repeat my maternal serum screen. Turns out I did take the test too early. I did it again the day they called me and they didn't ask me to go back after that, so I'm assuming everything is normal.

Apparently, this kid is now about a half-foot long. I'm gonna post the picture they used on the website I subscribe to because I thought it was so funny looking. They give you these 'renderings' of what your baby looks like inside of you and this week it just looked awkward. I mean, I know babies are generally made out of rubber, but does this look comfortable to you?

So weird! Anyway, the countdown is now on to our first ultrasound - only two weeks to go! Joy!

sour kid

Interesting pregnancy tidbit of the week:

Our kid either really likes or really dislikes vinegar. Vergil and I went out for sushi (no, I didn't have any of the raw fish) on his birthday on Saturday and they started us with this salad made of rice noodles, cucumber and shrimp soaked in a vinegar-based dressing. As I was eating it, all at once my 'flutters' turned into outright womb-nastics complete with what felt like a finger flicking me on my insides. It was pretty wild. The reason I'm connecting it with the vinegar is that the same sort of thing happened to me the last time I ate cucumbers in vinegar. So, this kid either really enjoys vinegar or really dislikes it. Either way, it makes it excitable. I'll have to continue testing this theory to see if it's accurate, but I thought it was kind of cool.

The belly keeps on growing, which is a really good thing and, yes, if you know me (and I know you) and you give me that look like you want to rub my belly when I see you, I will likely let you. It's okay to ask, too. I'm not that covetous of my personal space. Just make sure you're only visiting and not hanging around to live there. :P I'll try to post another picture of 'the bulge' later this week.

Oh yeah, we had another doctor's appointment last week Thursday and got to hear the heartbeat again. The doctor said it was beating at 160 beats per minute - good and strong, which makes me happy. I'm pretty sure I heard it this time. We go for our first ultrasound on October 3rd and then I'll probably book us a private ultrasound after that since Verge really, really wants to know the baby's gender. (The reason we won't find out at our first ultrasound is because the hospital we're going to has a no-telling policy.)

And that's all that's new in baby-land for this week!

the little bump that causes so much commotion

So here's what I look like, circa 15 weeks (about a week ago). Can you believe this little pot-belly is what's causing me so much grief? The belly's getting there, but I am looking forward to actually looking pregnant and not like I've got an impressive beer belly. I don't even drink beer (that's cranberry juice in my hand, in case you're wondering)!


Jae took this picture last Sunday. She also got a few of my now very ample bosom, but I'm a little too prudish to show those off!

sicky

I sometimes feel like all I do on this blog is gripe. Oh well, it's my blog and I'll gripe if I want to. :P

Yesterday was a day to define all others. I don't think I've been that sick, well, ever that I can think of. I quite literally puked all day. It was something else, I tell ya. I'm feeling better today, but man alive, I thought I was dying yesterday. It seems as though every time baby banana (that's its current nickname) goes through a growth spurt, I get the sh*t kicked outta me. This kid had better be strong like bull after all this.

I had gone to get my Maternal Serum Screen test done last week (it's a test that helps determine your baby's risk of having Down syndrome, trisomy 18, SLOS, an open neural tube or a ventral wall defect) and I got a call from my obstetrician's office this morning asking me to have the test redone. I'm not really sure what it means, but I'm trying not to panic. I might have had the test done too early last time or the results were compromised or something else, but yeah. Reignites the paranoia, sadly.

That's my update for this week. My next doctor's appointment is next week Thursday and I'm scheduled for my first ultrasound on October 3rd. Stay tuned for more!

foggy

And I'm not just talking about the weather this morning. My brain feels a lot...slower lately. Like my synapses just can't fire at the rate they used to. I guess I'm experiencing the joys of 'pregnancy brain' now. It seems to take me a few seconds longer than usual to figure out what the heck people are trying to talk to me about. Kind of annoying for a girl so used to multi-tasking and being on top of things all the time.

So, because I feel little sluggish, here's a list of my pregnancy symptoms and their current severity:

• Nausea - subsiding. Thank goodness for drugs! Though, I am down to maybe one pill a day instead of three, so that's a good sign.
  


• Fatigue - high. So tired. All the time. And yet, all I do when I sleep is dream. Dream and dream and dream. Currently it's variations/combinations of Brideshead Revisited, Amadeus and Harry Potter.
  


• Pregnancy brain - getting worse. Cogs in the wheel are going missing every day. Soon I shall be a blubbering idiot incapable of stringing more than two or three words together at a time.
  


• Emotions - more stable than they were. I still cry at the drop of a hat, but at least it's not at Avril Lavigne videos anymore. Seriously. It was pathetic.
  


• Pain/Headaches - persistent. This kid's beating the crap out of me and I can't even feel it moving yet! Lower back and pelvic pain (that radiate through my butt and legs), upper back pain from storing all my stress and dull, throbbing headaches round out the list. Good times. Thank goodness for my new masseuse! Gotta use my work benefits for something, no?

That's all I can think of for now, pregnancy-wise.

On another note, my sister Breanne is in town next week with her boyfriend (who's moving to Manitoba to obtain his Master's) and then Brenna is coming in on the long weekend, so that's exciting. My parents were in town last week and we spent a day and night with them at my uncle's cabin. It's been a good family month. October is Sheri and Jonathan's last wedding ceremony/reception (yay!) and I'll be headed off to Cambridge for that. December, I'll visit my family in Edmonton for a few days after Christmas and then February Verge and I will, God willing, welcome a new dela Rosa to the world. Fun!

stop being a hero

At least, that's what I'm trying to tell myself. After 7 weeks of generally feeling carsick all the time and finding out that I'm one of those women who do not magically get better after the 12 week mark, I finally broke down and asked my doctor for a perscription for my nausea and vomiting. It makes me drowsy and adds to my general feeling of continual tiredness, but at least I'm not losing my lunch (breakfast and supper) every day. God bless modern medical miracles.

This kid had better be really robust and healthy is all I can say. It's beating the crap out of me and I can't help but pray it'll be worth it.

I'm still anxious from time to time that I'll miscarry, even after all of this, but I'm feeling more positive more often now than before. Be glad I didn't make my reveal earlier on this blog or you would have been subject to the rantings of an often irrational, manic-depressive, convinced-a-conspiracy-was-a-foot mind.

Changing the subject completely, the power went out at work on Friday morning and we ended up getting the afternoon off. It was kind of a nice way to end the week, to be honest. I spent most of my afternoon napping, which was good times all around. Sunday we spent the day at my uncle's cabin with my mom and dad who are there for the week. We're going back on Friday with my Oma and Opa, so that'll be fun.

And that's the week in the life of me.

happy day

Well, here's a big shout out to everyone out there who's been thinking/praying for Vergil and I over the last few months. I am officially making it official today and announcing that we are indeed pregnant again!

We had our first doctor's appointment today and got to hear the heartbeat for the first time. I had a grand plan of recording it and posting it for everyone to hear, but it was still pretty faint and hard to hear over my own heartbeat, so that might have to wait for another time. BUT, I have proof of life this time and I have to say, I am beyond relieved. The last 13 weeks or so have been pretty roller-coaster-y, emotionally speaking. Well, and physically speaking too. I've bascially felt car-sick the entire time. Much fun. But at least I feel like this is actually gonna happen this time.

I don't even know what to say beyond this! I'm thrilled and terrified and every other synonym to those two words. I've spent the last three months counting down to this day and now I'll spend the next five weeks counting down to our ultrasound. Last time I felt like I fast-forwarded to far into the future and this time, all I can focus on is tomorrow and the 'next big thing' in my pregnancy.

Oh, by the way, we're due around February 12. :)

Thanks again for your support and encouragement, whether it be only 'virtual' or in person.

my work the sauna

For a few weeks every summer, Manitoba draws about as close to the sun as it concievably can. The big prairie sky of which I am so fond unleashes the heat of our closest star without mercy onto the unprotected vistas and the hairless, defenseless mammals called humans. Forests dry to kindling, all the while praying that the storms that always follow the scorching heat won't smite them with lightning to ignite their vulnerable branches. Animals hide in what shade they can find, reducing their movements as much as possible to survive the weather's onslaught. Crops dig deep with their roots, sucking up as much moisture as they can find there while they sway and twist in the wind in a kind of rain dance.

And people, well, people are the most vulnerable, with only the things they (or others) have built with their hands and devised with their minds to protect them from the blinding summer sun. In the 100-year-old building in which I make my living, everything is sweating - even (or especially) the old wood bannisters. This is my fourth summer working here and I am not unfamiliar with the way this place turns into a sauna for at least two weeks during the year so at the beginning of the summer I always ask for my favorite technology to be installed in my office - an air conditioner.

I wonder sometimes what I would do if I didn't have a way to escape the summer's vicious heat or the winter's brutal cold. How did the native Canadians who used to roam these lands survive the crazy extremes? Did people acclimatize faster? Did they simply shut down and not do any work during days like this to preserve their energy?

I admit that I'm a total wus when it comes to extreme heat or extreme cold. I admit that I'm a slave to technology and revel in my climate-controled environments. I admit that I will look at you funny if you tell me you don't have or don't believe in air conditioning. You know what? I don't care. I don't know how else to get cool (or warm) without my gizmos and gadgets. I think I might actually be cold blooded in the end.

Anyway, I can't wait for the summer storms that'll follow this heat wave and then the break in the heat that usually follows. Five or six degrees cooler, that's all I ask - and hold off on the humidity, please and thank you! The pressure of this hot, muggy weather is giving me a headache.

feeling alone in the blogging world

I'm a little sad because it seems like my blogging friends have all gone on summer hiatus. Well, not all of them, I'm being a little dramatic, but that's beside the point. And, I do know that Corrie is taking a well-deserved laziness break, Heather is having an uber-busy week, Michele broke the internet and Sheri can't figure out how to type on a non-laptop keyboard.

But then again, Whippersnapper is managing to keep up with her blogging in spite of having what might turn out to be West Nile Virus. She's taking bets on whether or not that's what she actually has, so if you're a betting person, you can go over to her blog and place your wager.

Does anybody else want peanut butter toast? I want peanut butter toast. Perhaps I'll have to make myself some.

How's that for random?

Anyway, I don't have a lot more that's very interesting to say, I just wanted to post my two cents up here just to say that I did. So there. I did.

tired

I'm starting to wonder if my vacation did me more harm than good. I have not been able to sleep well since we got back. I feel like all I do is dream the entire night - that annoying 'just asleep' place where your body is completely paralyzed but your mind won't shut up. It's very frustrating.

Then again, my brain has been somewhat preoccupied with the misadventures of an old college friend of mine. These new, on-line social networking sites like Facebook lend themselves to surreal experiences sometimes. Saturday morning I get up, go on-line to check on my various email accounts and friends' activities on Facebook to see that this guy I went to college with had written a note that essentially amounted to his final 'good-bye' to his friends and family. At first I thought he was being dramatic - he's a writer, and most of the good writers I know write some of their best work in their most melancholy moods - but then I notice in one of the comments that his (ex?)wife was pleading with people to help her find him. He'd been missing for an entire day already.

He was eventually found alive somewhere near Thunder Bay, I think, but his letter still kind of haunts me. When I knew him, I always found him to be one of the most gentle and sweet human beings I knew. The darkness of that letter, the absolute hopelessness he expressed there, the declaration that his death would be his gift to his young daughter, as though she would be better off without him... it still makes my soul ache.

I wonder if it's lingered with me because I have come so close to that darkness. My own grief and misery exposed me in a very real way to some of those blacker human emotions. I don't know what the world has done to him, so I can't presume to understand where he was coming from, but the despair from which he wrote did have a vague familiarity to it.

Fortunately, I have a very real light to which I cling. I can only hope that some light finds him too.

home again home again

Well, that's that. Another vacation come and gone. We had a great time doing absolutely nothing. Well, I guess not really 'nothing'. Vergil golfed a lot, I read 6 books, we had his family up for Father's day, we had some friends stay with us the next weekend, we went to Lac du Bonnet and Pinawa and the dump. I know. The dump. Very exciting. LOL

And now we're back into the swing of things. We got back on Friday afternoon and that night my parents flew in to stay with us for a couple days. They had a wedding to go to on Canada Day, so they were only in for the weekend. Unfortunately, we didn't get to see a whole lot of them since we babysat Maddison on Saturday evening and they had the wedding all afternoon and evening on Sunday. So yeah, we went from doing practically nothing on our vacation to being super busy as soon as we got back. Typical us, I guess.

I hope everyone had a good June and can find some time relax yourself this summer.

Anyway, that's about all I have to report. My sister Breanne is in Greece right now on her adventure vacation and looking at her pictures, I have to say I'm a little jealous. I haven't seen evidence of a single mosquito in Greece! *Sigh* I wish the little buggers weren't so prevalent this year. Makes being outside a little difficult sometimes.

But here's a funny to help us Winnipegger's through the mosquito season:

vacation!

I don't normally emphasize my titles with exclamation points, but I'm so excited about our vacation that I thought it warranted it. Friday evening Vergil and I are heading out to my uncle's cabin in Lac du Bonnet for 2 WHOLE WEEKS of vacation bliss.

Have I mentioned that I'm excited?

The last few months have felt like a blur - we've been terribly busy with all sorts of good things. We don't mind, really, but it is nice to interject a real break in the midst of all that. Truth be told, we haven't had an honset-to-goodness-just-us vacation in a very long time, so we're gonna enjoy this thoroughly.

So, don't expect to hear from me for about three weeks because I'll be soaking up the sun, reading, picnicking, checking out the farmer's market and being otherwise unavailable!

birthday girl

That'd be me on Friday, along with my Oma, who's gift it seems I was. :) She's turning 80, though, so she kinda trumps me in that respect.

I've managed to keep myself incredibly busy lately. From my reunion and Sheri and Jonathan's wedding two weekends ago to yoga with the ladies from church on Friday to spending all day with my girlfriend Janine and her gorgeous/adorable/fantastic daughter, Maddison on Saturday to golfing with Vergil and Tim and finally getting to see my cousin and her nine-day old baby, Norah on Sunday - I haven't had much time to breathe! I'd post pictures of my two babies (that's right, I'm claiming them as my own), but they're all on Vergil's phone. I'll get him to email them to me and I'll add them to this post later for your ooo's and aaahhh's.

The next two weeks don't look much better, busy-ness wise. Dinner at my Oma and Opa's tonight, an Epicure party tomorrow, helping at a photo-shoot at Prov on Wednesday, cleaning my apartment on Thursday, seeing my parents (who are staying with us for the weekend), a birthday party for my Oma on Friday, hanging out with my parents on Saturday, an early father's day with my dad's side of the family after church on Sunday and then the TYN wrap-up party at Tim's Sunday afternoon, dinner with my Grandma and Grandpa on Monday, dinner with my aunt and uncle on Tuesday, hopefully nothing Wednesday and Thursday, a BBQ at the Fierback's on Friday and then we're off to the cabin for our two week vacation. Phew! I'm exhausted just thinking about it! Makes me really look forward to our vacation, though.

I guess this isn't a super-exciting post, but hey - in my own little world, it's important for everyone to know what I'm up to, right? LOL Blogging is so funny to me sometimes. Oh well!

achy

Wow, I feel old. This past weekend was one of the busiest I've had in a very long time and I'm just in pain today! LOL

Saturday morning I was up bright and early to get to my hair appointment. From there, I headed over to my highschool reunion, which was a tour of the school. It was cool to see so many people I haven't seen in 10 years! Man, I can't believe it's been 10 years already. How crazy is that? Feels just like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at once. I picked up the letter I wrote myself 10 years ago and man, was I ever a melodramatic teenager! It made me laugh and cringe a little. It's a good thing I didn't accomplish everything I'd envisioned for myself, though, mainly because I would have married the wrong guy!

Anyway, here's a picture of me and some of my classmates (I'm the one not looking at the camera, fourth from the right - not including my niece Maddison, who's in the stroller on the right):

From there, I raced home, got changed and we headed out to Morden for Sheri and Jonathan's second wedding celebration. Vergil was a little annoyed with me because we left an hour later than I had said we would, and he was hungry, and it was rainy and windy, and his morning was not as productive as he would have liked. By the end of the night, he'd mellowed, so don't worry. We're not fighting. Not that we even really know how to fight and I don't count being annoyed at each other as fighting.

Anyway, we ended up getting to the picture location earlier than the rest of the wedding party, so it all worked out in the end. I even got to help Sheri into her dress, as planned. I just hope I didn't bruise her ribs - I had the lacing done up pretty dang tight. She made me loosen it at the end of the evening because she was just about ready to pass out.

Sheri looked fabulous, naturally, and Jonathan looked pretty decent too. LOL The wedding was a lot of fun - very relaxed and happy. At first it was a little weird when people started clearing out by 10:00, but then I remembered that 80% of them were driving back to Winnipeg that night (including us). We stayed until 11:00 and got home around 1:00 am. That's probably the latest I've been out in months and months. Again with the feeling old.

Funnier still was going to a picnic the next day for my reunion. Most of the people there have kids and we were laughing at ourselves when we were talking about going to bed 'late' at 11:00. Ten years ago, we would've only left to go partying at 10:00!

Here are some pictures of the wedding for your enjoyment:

Sheri, looking gorgeous:


Sheri and Vergil:


Jonathan and I:


Jonathan and Vergil (laughing at their own wittyness):


Jonathan and Sheri's Mom, Mira:


The classic shoe game:


Dancing:

happy anniversary to us

Three years ago today, I married the best guy ever. And do you know what song came to my mind in honour of our day? "You ain't seen nothin' yet / B-B-B-Baby, you just ain't seen n-n-n-nothin' yet!" I don't even like the Bachman Turner Overdrive that much, but there you have it. My life as a musical.

And to further that musical, now I'm singing "Rain rain on my face / hasn't stopped raining for days / my world is a flood / and slowly I become / one with the mud" (Flood by Jars of Clay). It's raining as I type, in case you haven't figured that out yet.

Anyway, here's the official 'word' on our weekend away. We stayed at the River Gate Inn on West Gate (near the Misrecordia Hospital for those of you who live in or know Winnipeg). It was a great Bed and Breakfast. Vergil and I both agreed that it was like staying at someone else's house, but not being obligated to hang out with them (the B&B takes up the basement and the first two floors - the family basically does all their living on the third).

This three-floor (four including the basement) house was built in 1919 and, as a lover of old houses, this place is a beaut. It has been immaculately maintained and improved. It still feels very Victorian, but is in no way stuffy or uninviting. Our room was gigantic - complete with a king-sized, lavishly linened bed, full bathroom with a rain-fall shower head and jetted tub, a beautiful view of the yard a massive closet. They've got a great finished basement equipped with everything you could possibly want to entertain yourself - like a gigantic TV with DVD and VCR, a snooker-sized pool table, board games, and even a pinball machine.

And let me tell you about the breakfasts. 'Wow' about sums it up. Karen, one of the ladies who works there, prepared eggs Florentine for our Sunday morning breakfast (complete with spinach, mushrooms and red and orange peppers) and Belgian waffles with Saskatoon berry compote and Canadian back bacon for our Monday morning breakfast. I can give you an idea of how good the waffles were by saying that she refused to tell us how much butter was in the recipe. Man, the thought of them still makes my mouth water. If you stay at this place for no other reason - stay for the breakfasts!

We had a fantastic time. It was really neat to feel like a guest in your own city for a few days. The only disappointment was our dinner on Sunday night. We decided to try The Currant restaurant at the Inn at the Forks. The food was really good, but we didn't get served. Almost literally. We waited for about 20 minutes before a server (who wasn't supposed to be our server) kind of stumbled up to us, full of apologies and hastily took our order, then bopped back and forth asking if we wanted a starter or wine (which by then we were far from interested in). We got our food in a decent amount of time, but no one came by to ask how it was, the bus-girl ended up refilling our water on occasion and at the end, the same stumbling server came back confessing that this was probably the worst service we'd ever had and it's not usually like that and he didn't know what it was and was this our first time to this restaurant? Oh, sheepishness, sheepishness, can I get you the bill? The guy who was 'supposed' to be our server was obviously too embarrassed at that point to even try to take things over, I guess, but I couldn't help but think that the guy who'd taken over could have very easily handled the situation a whole lot differently.

If I had been in his position, I would have apologized to us for the wait, explained that the person who was supposed to be serving us was swamped and that I would be taking over. Then I'd do my waiter-y schpeal about specials, recommended a starter and a wine and gone off to let us figure out what we wanted to order. I'd come back, take our order, bring us our food, check in on us (while our mouths were full, of course), refilled our water / wine on occasion, offered us dessert when we were done and politely brought us our bill. Simple as that - as though nothing were amiss. But no, this poor kid essentially blamed the other guy for the foul-up and pretty much did nothing to remedy the situation, causing embarrassment both for himself and his colleague.

We probably won't go back there - not until we're older and richer, I think.

But enough ranting! Time for some raving! (In a good way, of course!)

Here's my official recommendation if you're interested in 'getting away' in Winnipeg (or if you're visiting and need a place to stay) without going very far - stay at the River Gate Inn! Do it! It's well worth it. Unfortunately, we didn't get a chance to meet Michelle, one half of the couple who runs the place, but we did get to meet her husband Keith - a very tall, very pleasant guy who spent the entire weekend working on his backyard - hauling gravel and arranging huge limestones for their backyard patio (a project he told us he'd been working on since last year). Keith was very self-effacing, claiming at least a dozen times that Michelle usually does the tour thing and is far more thorough and sorry he missed so much stuff, but we thought he was great. And next time, we'll get his recommendations for restaurants!

And that's that! Happy anniversary to us and we wish that everyone could have had as nice a weekend as we did!

post about my husband

Wow. In a few weeks, it will be my and Vergil's third anniversary and a few weeks after that will be eight whole years that we've been together. Crazy.

I know everyone says these kinds of things about their husbands (and well they should), but I feel so blessed to have been able to marry my best friend. He gets me, even when I don't want him to. He gives me space to figure things out myself, even when he knows what I probably should say or do. He's intensely loyal and trustworthy. He's my defender and my biggest fan. He loves me even when I'm being foolish, selfish or just downright stupid. He lets me be better at things than him. He supports me, no matter what crazy idea I might get in my head. And, for those of you who know anything about him, you know he makes me laugh - all the time. He's one of the best situational comedians I know. He never tires of making me smile and I don't think I could even put into words how much that means to me.

All that gushing about my husband to say that I'm getting more and more excited for our 'anniversary weekend'. We usually try to do something special on the May long weekend to celebrate and we usually hope we can go to my Uncle's cabin

but it's a pretty popular spot, and my uncle does have dibs, since it is his and all. :) Anyway, since my uncle claimed his 'dibs' for that weekend, we were left to decide what we should do instead.

In the past, we've done bike trips in Spruce Woods and Lac du Bonnet, but this year, Vergil suggested we rent a hotel room for a couple nights in an effort to just 'get away' for a while. I thought that was a great idea, but figured out pretty quickly that nice hotels are dang expensive. So, since I've had such great experiences at Bed and Breakfasts before, I thought I'd see what Winnipeg had to offer in that arena. Here's what I found:

I'm not going to tell you where it is, in order to preserve the 'getting away' aspect of our mini vacation, but let me tell you, I'm so excited I could almost cry. I LOVE old buildings and this one takes the cake. It is gorgeous, in a great location and has a fascinating history to top it all off. Here's a picture of the room we'll be staying in:

It's got its own private bathroom (with a jacuzzi tub) and it overlooks the pool in the backyard. With any luck, the weather will be warm enough for us to actually use the pool!

So yeah. I'm pumped. And I wanted to share my excitement. Which is what I'm doing. :)

Here's some more pictures of the inside:

The Library:


The Living Room:


The Dining Room:


The Staircase:


What a great place to spend a weekend with a great guy!

john mayer's hair

So, I went to the John Mayer concert last night and I have to say, I'm still kind of giddy from it. Sheri and I had such a great time. It was definitely worth every penny, though I wish he could've stayed on for a half-hour more. Or an hour more. Or maybe the whole night - just jam away with us till the morning!

At any rate, I have decided that in addition to his mad guitar skilz and lyrical stylings, I am mesmerized by the man's hair. It quite literally had a life of its own - dancing around on top of his head like a miniature cocker spaniel.

I decided three things during the concert last night. 1 - I want John Mayer's hair. It's just so big and poufy and fantastical. I would like him to shave his head and make a wig for me out of his hair. No, not really. That would be kind of gross and creepy. Though I wager I'd make a pretty penny if I sold that on e-Bay. People are so weird.

2 - I want to run my own security company. I had this crazy urge to be the boss of all the whopping security guards at the concert. Visions of standing on a chair, shaking my finger at them to put them in their place were all that came to mind as I watched them lumber back and forth 'keeping things under control'. They didn't seem all that necessary in the end. It wasn't really a teeny-bopper show where hysterical 14-year-old-girls rushed the stage screaming and crying like John was their last hope for salvation. It was a pretty wide variety of people - from the three older ladies on the floor just in front of us to a group of 20-something guys who sang at the top of their lungs, toasted John with their beer, and cried 'We're not worthy!' at his mad guitar skilz, to the 20-something girls who dressed like they were at the bar, to the gay guy who sat next to us and tried to scream directions to his house at John, to Don and Pam and Kim and Chelsea and Shawn and Sarah and Sheri and I. I think, in the end, the security guards were mostly for intimidation purposes, though I think I could probably out-run most of them. Even at a jog.

3 - I wanted to be a guitar. There are two kinds of really good guitar players out there for me - one who makes me wish I could play a guitar (see Burlap to Cashmere) and one who makes me wish I was a guitar. John falls into the latter category. Watch me as I *swoon*. LOL

Anyway, enough of my crazy rantings. Suffice it to say that last night's concert was a good way to end a rough week. It's been a little on the stressful side at work lately, so I was glad for the opportunity to sit back, listen to some great music and to swoon a little!

Rock on, John. Rock on.

weird

Disclaimer: This video is about 20 minutes long and some viewers may find the ideas presented in it disagreeable. Feel free to read my commentary before proceeding.



I'm posting this video clip because I found it to be very... weird. It's about 'The Law of Attraction' - it essentially maintains that anything and everything that happens to you in life is because you have attracted it to yourself by your thoughts, whether positive or negative. If you have fearful, angry or anxious thoughts, those things that you fear, are angry or anxious about will be attracted to you and therefore happen to you. If, on the other hand, you have positive, happy and successful thoughts, positivity, happiness and success will be attracted to you.

Now, I believe in the power of positivitiy. I think it's important to be positive and to maintain a good frame of mind. I believe we ought to 'take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ', but I have a really hard time believing that my thoughts alone control my destiny. One of the philosophies of this video (if you managed to watch that far) is that Thoughts = Things. If you think you are rich, you will become rich. If you think you want that nice car, you will one day have that nice car. They claim that all rich and successful people past and present know this and employ this tactic every day, which is why they are rich and successful. On the other hand, they also maintain that if you are poor and embattled, you have brought that upon yourself because this is what your thoughts have attracted to you.

Is it just me, or does this sound like rich people trying to make themselves feel less guilty for being rich? If it was their positive thoughts that brought them wealth, success and happiness and it was poor people's thoughts that made and kept them poor, then the rich people don't have to take any responsibility for the world's poverty and hunger issues. If the poor people would just get their act together and start thinking rich, everything would be okay.

This whole thing just seems to be a 'prosperity gospel for non-Christians' and it's one of the most humanistic approaches to the world I've encountered in a long time. People are inherently good. People are in control of the future. If only you had enough stuff, then you would be truly happy. Turn your thoughts to that stuff and all will be right in your world. What a crock.

Unfortunately, my world is too marred by sin and the consequences of sin. If the theories held in this video were true, there would be no murder, no unhappiness, no suffering, no struggling - and all if we just started thinking positively. Well, if only I'd known.

Man, there's just so much more I could say about this. The more I think about it, the angrier it makes me. Truth twisted ever so subtly to make it palatable and manipulative to those who can't articulate what they believe about God, sin and humanity.

Anybody else up for a rant??

spring cleaning

One of the things I like the best about spring is the way it makes you feel like you want everything to be fresh and new in your life. And by 'everything' I mostly mean my physical surroundings.

I've been sick for over a week now (flu first and now a cough that won't let me be) and all I can think about is cleaning the places I live. I desperately want to scrub down my apartment, but have been so lethargic lately that I just haven't been able to bring myself to do it. So I'm gonna try something new - cleaning in chunks. I'm one of those people who, once started on a cleaning project, doesn't want to stop until it's finished (have I mentioned how I am very much NOT a process person?). This year, I think I'll try doing it in stages - one room or one project at a time. We'll see how it goes.

Today's project was cleaning my office at work. We don't have a huge custodial team here, so we're responsible for maintaining our own offices. Anyway, today I vacuumed and it felt really good to get rid of all that winter sand on my floor.

I also decided that I was tired of my old blogger template, so I'm trying this one out for a while. We'll see how long it stays.

That's all. Not really very exciting. I have a few major things coming up that should be a little more interesting to write about - my students' graduation, the John Mayer concert, Vergil going back to Regina to train a new manager, Sheri's second wedding, my Oma's 80th birthday - so hopefully I won't bore you for too long!

pics of my sister and b-i-l

Here are some pictures for you. I'm only showing head shots because (strange as it sounds) my sister Sheri and my friend Sheri both have the same wedding dress. No joke. My sister bought hers about a year ago and then my friend bought hers last October. The only difference is that my sister's is white and Sheri's is ivory. All that to say that to preserve the 'surprise' of Sheri's dress, I won't show you all of Sheri's dress.

Confused yet? Yeah, me too. :) But ain't they cute??





Also, here's a copy of the PowerPoint presentation I put together for Sheri & Chad (my sister and b-i-l, that is). I'm pretty proud of it and it seemed like everyone really enjoyed it. It's about 8 and 1/2 minutes long, fyi. Enjoy!

made it

Well, I did it. I survived. Actually, I more than survived - I had a good time this weekend. My sister looked positively amazing and her wedding was one of those really good ones where everybody likes everybody and everybody is super happy for the couple and there's no bad blood or negativity anywhere to be found. I'll try to post some pictures tonight when I get home.

Friday night was probably the hardest for me. That's when all the babies were in extremely close proximity and I almost lost it a couple times during the evening, but I held it together for the sake of my sister and my Oma (whose 80th birthday we were celebrating). Thanks again to everyone for thinking of and/or praying for me. I couldn't have done it without you.

So now my sister Sheri and my friend Sheri are both married! How cool is that? I'm looking forward to the bigger ceremonies for the latter. We had a great time at her first wedding, even if she and I got held hostage at the salon for almost 7 hours. Poor Jonathan! If we'd shown up five minutes later, he might have thought we'd abandoned him all together. Next time we won't be running late. And next time she gets to wear her big wedding dress! Good times.

So yeah. I made it. I did manage to get sick, though. I'm blaming my sister's boyfriend. He had the stomach flu when I met him and even though I'm not sick to my stomach, I still think my cold is somehow his fault.

triggered

Sigh. I've been waiting all month for this and it finally happened. Sadness and depression just drop kicked me out of nowhere like a ninja.

I found out yesterday morning that my cousin and his wife had their baby over the weekend. I knew they were due around now, but that still doesn't help me much. I want to be happy for them, but all I can think about is how unfair it all is. I hit another low in my grieving process and it turns out that this pit is full of self-pity and I'm wallowing in it. I'm now terrified that they're going to be at my sister's wedding in a couple weeks and I'll have to wear a perfectly fake smile and pretend that I'm okay with everything and that I'm happy when I'm really bitter and angry.

I feel like a jerk because I'm so intensely jealous right now. I feel guilty because I shouldn't be resenting their joy this much. I feel even more guilty that my foul mood might put a damper on my sister's wedding.

The worst part is that I can't expect anyone in my family to really understand what I'm going through. They'll all expect me to just suck it up and put on a good face for my sister. I want to. I don't want her to feel like I'm sucking out the joy of her nuptials, but I just don't know how long I'll be able to pretend I'm okay with having two babies and one pregnant cousin shoved in my face over a whole weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming my cousins for having kids. I know they're not 'out to get me' or trying to spite me or anything. I just... yeah. Big time self pity right now.

less depressing

I feel the need to write something today so I can move my last post down a bit. It gets a little depressing to stare at it every day. Thanks, though, for letting me post it and for everyone's thoughts and prayers last weekend. They definitely helped me through.

So today, I'm going to post a picture of my psuedo-neice, Maddison. I got to see her and her mom (my best friend) last Friday for about four hours. It was good times with a good karma baby. Anyway, I bought her this awesome fleecy outfit that has ears and a crown on the hood. It doesn't quite fit her yet, but Janine and I put it on her anyway just to see her in it. Enjoy!

goodbye baby dela Rosa

I wrote this a few months after my miscarriage. I decided I'd share it today, on what should have been my child's birthday. I'm sorry in advance if it makes anyone cry.

I’m tired
I’m tired of crying
But I know I still have more tears
I would have liked to have met you
Held you
Kissed you
Watched you grow
But that’s not what God had in store for us
We were parted too soon
I don’t even have a name for you
I’m afraid to give you one
You were just becoming real to me
How do I say goodbye
When I never got a chance to say hello?
I know you were never mine
You were always God’s
But I thought you would be mine for a time
I don’t think I feel pain
All I feel is empty
You took a piece of me when you left
I wish there was something I could do
I wish there was something
But I have nothing
I never knew how much I wanted you
Until you were gone
I don’t know why you had to go
I don’t know if it would help if I did
I just…
I miss you
Some of my grief is only self pity
I wanted you to make Vergil a dad
I wanted you to make me a mom
My mom a grandma
My dad a granddad
My sisters aunts
It’s not fair
What did I do?
Is this somehow my fault?
I want you back
I want you back
You didn’t have to leave
I would have loved you
I would have loved you so much
I do love you
Will I be okay one day?
Will you be offended if we try again?
Part of me wants to forget
Pretend like this never happened
But I know I can’t
You were real to me
And that was enough
Oh Jesus, where did you go?
You promised you’d be there
And I felt like you left
You promised my child would be blessed
Special
Called
And then you took it away
Before I had a chance to see your promises fulfilled
I don’t know what to do
I just keep moving
Hoping to move fast enough and far enough away
So the emptiness will dissipate
But I know I have to be here in this
Feel these feelings
Let myself grieve
Hurt
Cry
Be angry
Ask questions
Love you
Miss you
Maybe we will meet one day
Save a spot in your heart for me
You’ll always be in mine