merry merry merry Christmas

Well, another Christmas come and gone. It was a wild, event filled time, as it always is, but I'm happy to report that all my fears of it being, quote "a gong show", were unfounded. The events, luckily enough, actually revolved around Kai's nap schedule and exhausted him enough to allow him to sleep through the night every night. He loved the attention and the activity - he's such an active guy that it was great for him to be able to play and wreak havoc amongst aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. We even managed to keep his toy situation in check. I was a little nervous of being inundated with toys, since we're in an apartment and his stuff is already filling it up, but everyone showed great restraint and stuck to money for his education fund, books, building blocks and the Smart Bounce and Spin Pony I'd asked for. I know, it's quite the toy, but my brother-in-law is a technophile and loved that he could get him what he called "a Wii for babies".

Kai also got to hang out with his cousin, Jadeyn, again. He really liked her and smiled every time she was near. Unfortunately, he's a little violent in his love and took a few swipes at her. We tried so hard all month to teach him not to claw at faces when he's excited and wants to express affection, but he's a hard nut to crack. He did give her a few kisses on her head, though, which was too cute for words. Granted, his kisses are of the wide, open mouth variety with some teeth and lots of licking.

I unfortunately didn't take many of my own pictures since there were about three other cameras around it was easier to let my sisters take pictures for me. I did get a few of Kai checking out the box of his new pony - he adored the picture of the baby on the box and gave it lots of kisses.

Next up his his first birthday! Wow, time flies. I'm looking at getting back to work soon - I'll keep you posted as to what transpires with that. I'm a little sad to have to go back to work, but I'm also looking forward to doing something a little more sedentary than chasing after a raucous one-year-old.

Here are a couple pictures I did take. Enjoy!

now and not yet

There's a fascinating concept in Christianity that can be referred to as a 'now but not yet' idea of existence. It holds that because of the work Jesus accomplished through his death and resurrection for the salvation of the world, the Kingdom of God already exists on earth, but not in its fullness. The fullness of the Kingdom will come with Christ's second coming. It's a complicated theology to explain in a few words, but I really like the imagery. It makes me think a little of the spring - good weather is here now, but it's not as good as it will be in a few months.

Anyway, this whole idea of 'now but not yet' feels as though its permeating a lot of areas in my life right now. Things are going pretty good overall, but there's this general feeling of unrest and dissatisfaction underlying it all that it could be so much better. There are little things in some areas that could be improved and big things in other areas that could certainly be made better. Unfortunately for me, most (okay, all) of these things are way, way out of my control to alter.

I know I have mentioned this numerous times before, but I am not a process person. I like results. It is incredibly hard for me to sit back and allow things to work themselves out naturally and organically (as they inevitably do). My instinct is to get in there and negotiate the quickest path to a positive result. It is desperately difficult for me to bite my tongue and stay out of things when I feel as though I could do something to help. It is so desperately difficult that I have often made the mistake of getting involved when I shouldn't. This happens most often with family, but i have done it more than once to friends, too. And when I do overstep my bounds, the results I so badly crave are never the ones I wanted or expected.

And so in these 'not yet' circumstances I find myself in, I am being very, very careful about not overstepping and being as patient as I can be. That's not to say I talk any less than usual, I'm just trying to be more careful about who I'm saying what to. In some cases, I'm even keeping my mouth shut because I feel like God hasn't given me permission to speak. That's especially hard, but it's also especially important.

I don't really have a point in all this, I'm just kind of musing about my state of mind lately. It's a difficult position for me to be in, this now but not yet, but I'm trying to make the best of it and learn as much as I possibly can about how to be a good leader, a good sister, a good daughter, a good wife, a good mother, a good friend and just a good person.

The world feels very big and very small to me all in the same breath.

Next week is Christmas and I'm looking forward to all the crazy family time, but I do also wish a little that I could find a way to make at least a few moments go in slow motion so that I don't get the sensation that I'm somehow missing it all.

And every morning and every night I get to greet this little guy and wonder, how did I get so lucky?

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas...

Bet I have you singing that song now, don't I? Sorry. I'm getting bad for getting songs stuck in people's heads.

Speaking of having things stuck in one's head, I've been having some really weird dreams lately. Like the other morning, I dreamed we got this 'threat' (for lack of a better word) in the mail from Winnipeg Water and Waste for a $1400 fine because our apartment complex was using too much water. It wasn't an actual bill, it was just a letter saying that we might get charged $1400 - no, it was $1427 - for excessive use of water. I was pretty incensed. Earlier that week, I dreamed we were at a pediatrician appointment for Kai, except it was my OB-GYN who was the doctor and not our pediatrician. We (that is, Vergil and I) were there with my mom and my three sisters - the youngest of whom were both crying because they didn't want to endure a doctor's exam for some reason. But that wasn't the weird part. The weird part was when Brad Pitt and George Clooney showed up to hang out in the waiting room for us. They were all Ocean's 11-like (having very goofy, completely indiscernible conversations) and I remember feeling very exasperated by them.

I find my subconscious putting together very random topics and situations. For example, in my former dream, here are where I think some of the pieces came from - I used to work for the Water and Waste Department at the City of Winnipeg, I've been seeing a lot of commercials from Hinterland Who's Who about where your water comes from and making sure to preserve it and, well, it's Christmas. Who doesn't get stressed about money at Christmas? The second dream, jeepers, I don't know why my sisters were crying, except that they always hated dentists and doctors and as for Brad Pitt and George Clooney, I think I've just been watching too much of the Ellen Degeneres show. She just moved studios and George Clooney's office is next door to her and she is on a quest to get him on her show. Why that should then feature in my dreams, I'm not sure, but there you have it.

Anyway, how's that for random? Pretty good, huh?

In other news, my Christmas decorations are up. My sister Breanne came over and helped me this year. It was so great. That's definitely one of the biggest things I miss about not having my family around - we always had so many great traditions with Christmas that we always looked forward to so much. It was so nice to be able to put up my tree with someone who gets as excited about Christmas stuff as I do. That day kind of made up for not having Vergil around all December.

I'll leave you with that. You know, all these weird dreams happened after I cut and coloured my hair last week. Maybe the dye is affecting my brain...

call me not to politics (updated)

I know a lot of people who have said to me, "I want God to call me to an occupation, but I just hope he never calls me to missionary work. I couldn't handle living in deepest, darkest Africa." For me, it's politics. I couldn't handle being called into politics. I have no idea what our government is trying to pull these days - it made me laugh out loud to hear about this 'coalition' the opposition parties are cooking up. Only because it's all just so ridiculous. We currently have a minority government who are trying to behave as though they are a majority and apparently, their lording it over the opposition parties have offended them to the point that they are taking this drastic measure to remedy their annoyance.

Okay, I know that's a pretty trite summation of what's really going on and I just can't stomach researching it in any further depth, so I have no real authority to make an educated comment on the situation, so please forgive me if I refuse to elaborate or engage on much more of a discussion on the matter. Instead, read Rick Mercer's blog. He knows about this stuff better than I do and is witty enough to make it sound interesting. Suffice it to say that I would cry long and hard if I were ever called into politics. Or journalism. Which is kind of ironic since I've actually been trained in that medium. I have a very hard time watching the news. It just makes me angry and snippy.

Anyway, enough about that. I'll just get myself all worked up.

In other, family related news - Kai has officially slept through the night (12 hour stretches) since my last post! That's over a week! I feel like a new woman, and I like it. I'm just really hoping now that he'll continue this trend for a few weeks or even months. A girl can dream, yes? He's also napping really well in the afternoons. Granted, he's a few weeks away from walking and Christmas is coming up (my family's all coming in from Edmonton for three days) and that'll probably throw everything off again, but hey - that still gives me a few weeks of potential!

That's all I have for today. Here's a fun picture of Kai and his mouth full of teeth.