Well, I have less than a week to go before I get to tell my family about all this. I know they’ll be really excited, so that will be fun. I talked to my mom on Sunday and it was really hard not to just tell her. It’s funny; not telling people things has never been hard for me. Gets so that not telling people is just as easy (if not easier) than telling them.
I have to say I feel pretty blessed re: the whole beginning of my pregnancy and the more or less lack of symptoms. I feel icky now and again, but I’m not puking or anything like that, so yeah. Although my gag reflexes were kicking in a little at lunch today. I was very careful to control it, though, because as far as I can tell, no one suspects anything at work yet. I’m still dreading telling my boss – I know he’s not going to be too keen about the whole thing. He just got back from vacation and doesn’t really want to be here yet, so yeah, now would not be a great time to tell him.
You know, it’s funny (and I know I’ve been using the words ‘funny’ and ‘weird’ a lot in this journal, but I’m having trouble finding adequate vocabulary to explain what’s going on in my mind and body right now), but this really doesn’t feel real yet. I know I’ve said that before, but I was thinking about it this morning – all this is a fleeting thought in my mind right now. Part of me is freaking out and the other part of me feels… nothing.
I was also thinking this morning about something my mother-in-law told me when we broke the news to her. She said I didn’t have a lot of early pregnancy symptoms because I had a good attitude. I thought that was very optimistic of her. I didn’t think my attitude was very good at all, actually. But then it occurred to me that maybe I didn’t start out with a good attitude, but I certainly can have a good attitude about it from here on in. I kind of resolved in myself this morning to be positive about all this – even the times when I feel crappy. Well, maybe not even to be positive, but to stop thinking so much. And in some ways, I have. This is happening. There’s nothing I can do about it. Well, there is, but there is nothing I am willing to do about it. This is just another phase in my life. Yes, it’s all overwhelming and scary, but there’s nothing I can do about any of my fear or overwhelmed-ness until the baby actually gets here. For the next nine months, all I have to really think about is taking care of me and loving my husband. So really, not a whole lot has changed. Except the having to think about me bit. I’m not real used to that. I typically think about other people first and then about me, or more precisely, how my thinking about other people is affecting me.
Anyway, I only have three and a half days of work left until my vacation. Less than that – three days and two and a half hours.
Speaking of work, our Human Resources lady just came in and gave me a T-shirt because apparently people are quite happy with my work. How nice is that? I think it’s pretty nice. I’d have preferred a raise, mind you, but hey, I’ll take the T-shirt too. I wonder what they’d do if I protested the abuse of my boss by going on strike… Hmm, that’s an amusing thought.
Okay, I’m thirsty so I’m on a hunt for some water. I want to put my A/C on, but it’s too hot outside for my circuit-mate and I to both have our A/C’s on at the same time. We always end up blowing it. Very frustrating, especially because my computer shuts off and his doesn’t.
Right. Water. Ta.
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