So I just got a call from my cousin...she's four months pregnant. *sigh* There are four of us cousins who all got married between 2004-2005 - and now three of them have or are having a baby. All but me.
I don't want to be sad about that, but yeah... it does make me feel more than a little sorry for myself.
I'm very much having what I'll call 'empty arm syndrome' today. Even at church, all I could think about was how empty my arms feel. I watch all these parents holding their kids and I can't help but think of how that was going to be me. I almost stole Abby from ccap and ccap's boy, just to stave off the feeling for a few minutes, but on second thought, I decided it would probably only make me feel worse.
Anyway, I'm depressing myself so I'm going to change the subject abruptly.
Vergil and I put up our Christmas tree and decorations today. Well, I did most of the putting up because Vergil was busy playing with and setting up my Christmas present to him - a new palm pilot/cell phone. I love Christmas decorations. There's something so comforting about them. It's like comfort food for my apartment. :)
Another 'bright side' is that I pretty much have all my Christmas shopping done. I wanted to wrap them tonight so I could put them under the tree, but I have to review my students' papers first.
Speaking of which, I really should stop procrastinating and work on those...
8 comments:
ahhhh...so that explains why Vergil was singing in and out like 5 times the other day on a "mobile device" on msn. I was wondering what he was doing.
I also love Christmas decorations, but I, like Vergil, leave it to other people to take care of. "Decorating" is not exactly in my creative repertoire.
That's awesme that you have your decorations up, I might have to come visit to force myself into the Christmas mood...even music isn't working these days...stupid life. :p
I wish I knew what to say about the empty arm feeling. I don't want to give the patent 'it'll be all right' or promise you something I can't promise. However I do believe in the Lord's goodness and I truly believe he has goodness planned for you my friend.
It's all about the damn timing and the friggin' waiting for the right time. You CAN do this...it's HIS strength that carries you.
Ehm...I'm preaching...I'll shut up now. :p
I'm just so sorry, Krista. I wish I knew what more to say.
Interestingly enough, I thought of you in church yesterday, sitting behind us and wondered if it would have been better for us to sit somewhere else.
^^ There is no avoiding babies at GNF. Vergil and I know where you guys sit, we could have chosen different seats. Please don't let your empathy for me make you feel guilty!! That's the last thing I want. Abby is very cute and makes me smile a lot.
No guilt, please. I do not in any way begrudge you - I only feel sorry for myself. :)
I can't believe you are almost done Christmas shopping....So JEALOUS!!!! I, on the other hand, still feel like I have so much to get (I always freak myself out more than I need to though!!!)
Oh gee, I don't know what to write either, as I don't know your story, although I'm planning on reading your archives very soon. Let me just tell you that I, too, did have some problems in the pregnancy department that left me heartbroken and, yes, very much feeling sorry for myself. There is nothing wrong with that, you know.
Take care of yourself. From the comments above, it sounds like you have a lot of people who love and care about you, and that is something you can really take comfort in.
K. =)
Hmmm... I know a little bit of that "odd one out" feeling, too. I don't know how to make it go away but all I know is that it comes and goes in waves. My thoughts are with you especially.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, especially during this Christmas season.
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